Wednesday, 3 July 2013

ILSA: THE TIGRESS OF SIBERIA (1977) Review


Directed by: Jean LaFleur
Written by: Marven McGara
Starring: Dyanne Thorne, Michel Morin, Gilbert Beaumont, Ray Landry,

Siberia 1953: A man trudges through the snow obviously trying to flee someone or something. Men on horses are seen in pursuit. Suddenly the escapee is speared through the head. Blood stains the brilliant white snow. Cut to Dyanne Thorne atop a horse, and this is how we are first introduced to Ilsa the tigress herself.
Man that Ilsa sure does have an interesting job history. First a commandant in a German medical camp, then keeper of an Arab sheik's harem and now in TIGRESS OF SIBERIA she serves as the colonel at a Russian gulag. Bringing back the body of the speared victim she proceeds to make an example so that none of the other prisoners don't get any funny ideas about trying to escape. A heavy wooden mallet smashes the dead man's head into oblivion and his blood drips down a wooden shoot into a tiger's cage.


Ilsa runs Gulag 14; a hard labor camp for political prisoners. In typical Ilsa fashion she runs the place with an iron fist and anybody who can't or won't work is dealt with severely. This usually involves being drowned in freezing water or being fed to the pet tiger affectionately known as Sasha. There's also a rather inventive punishment which I like to call 'extreme armwrestling' which involves chainsaws and is awesome. And when she's not killing and torturing insubordinate prisoners she spends her time drinking and watching her comrades fight over who gets to fuck her. She regularly beds two men at a time. I could think of worse ways to keep warm in the frozen Siberian wasteland.


A new prisoner named Andriei (Morin) has come to Gulag 14 and similarly to Wolf from the original Ilsa film he is a tough customer and Ilsa is immediately intrigued by him. The regular process of brainwashing doesn't seem to affect him but before anything can be done about that Joseph Stalin is executed and a Russian General Zerov is on his way to liberate the gulag. Ilsa and her comrades burn the place to the ground and kill the prisoners. But Andriei manages to survive. And this is where the movie takes an unexpected and bizarre twist. Because TIGRESS is really two exploitation films in one and the first is now over.


From 1953 Siberia we journey forwards all the way to 1977 in Montreal, Canada. Leaving the prison environ and violence behind the second part of the movie is more of a sleazy sexploitation tale complete with Russian spies. Once again we meet Andriei who is now the coach of a Soviet hockey team. After the game two of his players beg him to let them visit a local brothel because they don't want to return to Mother Russia without having sampled some real American pussy. He accompanies them to the aforementioned house of debauchery and they pick their whores and go to their rooms while Andriei waits for them. By an incredible (and completely ridiculous) coincidence the person who runs the brothel just so happens to be... Ilsa! Why is she running a brothel in Canada? That's easy; because it's a perfect excuse to show lots of female flesh. She spots Andriei and has her lackeys capture him and bring him to her. Around the same time General Zerov discovers that Ilsa still lives and so he arranges a team of Russian secret agents to go in and take her out.


TIGRESS OF SIBERIA gets a bit convoluted (at least for an Ilsa film) and after the gulag part is over things go downhill. I really would have liked the film to focus more on the Siberia part rather than the Canada part but seeing as we get treated to Ilsa soaping up and then hosing down her luscious twins in the shower I guess there's not really too much to complain about. Having said that this is easily the weakest entry into the franchise and it also has some of the worst dialogue of the three films (or four if you're counting WICKED WARDEN). For a perfect example check out the sex scene where Ilsa's lover tells her that 'my lance reaches deep'. And the scene near the end when Ilsa crashes her snowmobile is hilarious, however unintentional it may be.
Although TIGRESS is not as good as either of its predecessors it's well worth checking out if you want to complete the set, or simply if you just want to see Dyanne Thorne naked again.

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